Love can be simple between father and son

I first wrote this for Father's Day 2021. I have previously written a Stories and Journeys column acknowedging my mother's influence on my life. It's time for me to acknowlege my father with Father's Day coming up. 

During my first two years as a student at Simpson College (196-1964) in Indianola, Iowa, specifically 1962-63. I was the first president of the newly formed Student Christian Movement. Along with guidance from the new college chaplain and the newly formed leadership council of the Student Christian Movement, two things happened that left an impression on me.

First, the chaplain, myself and the leadership council participated in a study discussion group formed around the book "The Miracle of Dialogue" by Reuel Howe. Second, we engaged in the study for education and action connected with Martin Luther King, Jr. and the civil rights movement of that time. We anticipated that we could encounter opposition on our small, mostly White college campus, and we felt that dialogue among ourselves and others would be the best approach

Then one day while I was visiting my parent's house in Des Moines, I attempted to explain to my father what we were doing to get involved with Martin Luther King, Jr. and the civil rights movement. This did not set well with my father. It triggered in him the notion that Simpson College was turning me into a communist. This set off a verbal battle from which neither of us would back down. It went on for years and sabotaged any meaningful relationship we had experienced up to that point in time.

Fast forward to the summer of 1970 when I was driving through Des Moines on my way to Minneapolis. Something deep inside of me led me to pull off the road and drive to my parent's house. My mother was not home, but I found my father in the basement.

 There I told my father that I was tired of the verbal battles that had pushed us apart. I told him I just wanted him to be my father and me be his son. He seemed to understand what I was saying and asking. We hugged. Things were not instantly perfect going forward, but I felt that deep within my soul in that moment love did prevail.

Love can be simple. One of my Minneapolis neighbors on the block where I live has placed a yard sign containing the words by Martin Luther King, Jr.: "Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can drive out hate." Note: I choose to substitute indifference for the word hate.

How ironic that this insight from Dr. King was on display one summer evening in 1970 enabling my father and me to reconnect so he could be my father and I could be his son once again.

During the last year or two of my father's life, we were best friends. I was at his bedside holding his hand when he died along with my sister-in-law, a hospice home health aide, and his cat. At the end of the day love does find a way.

And so, dear reader, if you have read this far you have taken the plunge into the river (flow) of life experiences which is Stories and Journeys. And I ask you what are some examples in your life where love found a way? Tell yourself, tell others or tell me via tesha@tmcpub.com 

 

Peter Jaueret and son. Neighbor and  participant in the Longfellow Communtiy Council Volunteer Shoveling Program. They did snow removal for me this past winter, helping me to age in place.

 

In April myself, Sylvia and Judith showed up. We shared stories about our positive experiences at Social Security field offices. Next meet up is June 30, 10-11 a.m. at Turtle Bread, 4205-E.34th Street. Look for the table with the Elder Voices sign.

In gratitude.

Donald L. Hammen is a longtime south Minneapolis resident, and serves on the All Elders United for Justice Board of Directors.